Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2008 3:24 PM
To: my good friends
Subject: I live to entertain you….
So, I tried a belly dancing class last night. Let me preface by saying, I consider myself a coordinated person…I can walk and drink coffee at the same time, I can talk and write about 2 different subjects at the same time, I can kick a ball while running…I can even rub my belly and pat my head at the same time.
That said, I have concluded that belly dancing takes the most coordination of any activity one can do on this earth. Think Shakira. She must be superhuman. Imagine — you have to move your hips vigorously while not moving your upper body while keeping your legs calm and relatively still. I can do the hips, but then my shoulders start going and my legs look like they are doing the running man. To top it all off, you have to move you arms slowly…like a serpentine. I don’t know how that is possible when my hips are going at mach speed. Then on top of that, you have to make figure 8’s or boxes or whatever other ridiculous impossible patterns…while maintaining your booty shake, while not moving your upper body, while looking calm and relaxed and not like a drowning worm.
I thought it would be a good change from boxing class and I saw girls in the class got to wear a skirt with coins on it so when they do the Shakira, the sound goes clink clink clink. It looked so fun and it had cute outfits! However, when I did it, I indeed looked like a drowning worm – not an ounce of sex appeal oozed from me. That was unfortunate because the classroom has huge glass walls where the meatheads can look in on your belly dancing moves. Also, when I “shimmied” (that is the technical term for the Shakira move) I felt things jiggling back there that I did not know could jiggle. I know for some guys jiggling is like sexy or whatever, but I don’t find it attractive.
Needless to say, my belly dancing days are over. I do, however, challenge you all to try to shimmy plus do serpentine hands, plus move yourself in figure 8’s, all while looking like a sexy harem lady… Let me know how you do!